I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The best revenge is premature balding
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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