hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize