I just threw up on my dentist
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
