So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
