I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
