she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
