why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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