I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
