i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
