it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
