your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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