when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
