who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
