She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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