I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
