Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
