Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
