how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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