Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
