the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
