I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
