I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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