i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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