He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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