so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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