I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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