i just sent this text using only my big toe
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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