So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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