It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize