I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
