I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
