She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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