Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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