The maid of honor just puked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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