And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
