that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
