2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
