grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
