I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
