She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
