Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
