take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
