I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
