it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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