Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize