The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
