What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
