wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
