Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
