I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
