i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
