Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
