Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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