I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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