East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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