what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize