What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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