Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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