According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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