I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
