I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
