Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
