Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize