quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
