I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
