I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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