A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
