1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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