I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I could fuck to npr.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
