I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
