YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
