Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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