Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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