im six kinds of drunk right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
