They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
