Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
