My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize